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Sad Whisperings - Sensitive To Autumn (1993)

1. The Tombstone

The tombstone told me when she died
Her two surnames stopped me still
A virgin married at rest
She married in this pouring place

That I struck one day by luck
Before I heard in my mothers side
Or saw in the looking glass shell
The rain through her cold heart speak

And the sun killed in her face
More the thick stone cannot tell
Before she lay on a stranger's bed
With a hand plunged through her hair

Or that rainy tongue beat back
Through the devilish years and innocent deaths
To the room of a secret child
Among men later I heard it said

She cried her white-dressed limbs were bare
And her red lips were kissed black
She wept in her pain and made mouths
Talked and tore through her eyes smiled

She said:

I have long to move away but am afraid
Some life, yet unspent

Might explode out of the old lie
Burning on the ground and crackling into the air

Leave me half-blind neither by night
Ancient fear, the parting of hat of hair

Pursed lips at the receiver. Shall I fall
To death's feather. By these I would not care to die

2. Vale Of Tears

As a lie you came to me
Soaked in insecurity
It kept us in suspence
As a relief you left

Nuanced soberness
How can I forgive
after this obscurant
I felt in mourning depths

I saw her in your arms
I saw me in a vale of tears

I saw her in your arms
I saw me in a vale of tears. How can I forgive
I felt in mourning depths

Luminous darkness
Lustful vale of tears
as a lie you came to me
as a relief you left

Redintegrate my life
avoiding profundity
allianced with my fate
Recede to hate

I saw her in your arms
I saw me in a vale of tears

3. Free As The Wind

Your eyes show me the landscapes
which you have passed by
The sign of your colourful life
You're spreading your wings
and you just fly away

and I stare, I stare at you
from a distance I see you fly
Hit by your beauty
Your female feather dress

Descending you come to me

Gently I whisper in your ear:
"I go with thee on thy away"
Cause you, you're as free as the wind
and all living creatures are your friends

Girl you should fly forever
So much friends but who is close
It's what I often wonder
Am I close now or never?

But why worry why this fear
We're eachothers listening ear
So honest that we can't lie
Too unknown that we can cry

No worry, no cry. Take me with you
and teach me how to fly

You're as free as the wind

4. Fear Glanced Eyes

When her last tears
Burnt on my lips
She had to die
I still can see in her eyes
The fear she had to bear

Stepped out of my life
Never to see
Repressed thoughts
Will rise to the surface
Abandoned to cause pain

A lump in my throat
A last heart felt embrace
I felt her warmth
and the tears on her face

The smell of her perfume lingered in my clothes
I looked at the framed photo
of us both

5. Tears On My Pillow

Bathing in the tears on my pillow
Which I cry out every night
Alone with my sadness
When I turn off the light

Buoyancy by day
Tearful at night
Alone with myself
With no future in sight

I release all my woes
Which I bottled up
I can't associate with my innerself
and there is the rub

Tear from me this entire life
I'm old tired and satisfied
A whole life lies behind me
I long for my friends who already died

6. Timeless Grief

I pull off the hands
from the clockface
Now I can enjoy my grief forever
Grief the clockround

Clockwise squealing
I float away
Sharing deep emotions
I'm wrapped in thoughts

Timeless Grief
I float away
Timeless Grief
I'm wrapped in thoughts

Sorting out the truth
of all suggestions
put the ears to the ground
Listen to the promptings of the hearts

Time and Tide wait for no man
and they will never do
as the man with shroud and scythe said:
I shall not loose time to call you on.

7. The Last Day Of April


8. Leaving Me Behind

Thou shall leave each thing most dearly
So it will pierce thou heart with dread
Even no respite to fear
That in thou heart's recesses deep had lain

Which to remember only, thou dismay
Renews in bitterness not far from death

Struggling with sadness, turned to view the straits
That none had past but only seen

But that shall gall thee most
Will be the worthless and vile company
With whom thou must be thrown into these straits

All hope abandonned, ye who enter there
To that sad hell, where mid the gust

The wirlwind and the flaw
of rain and hailstones
Lovers need not to tell all their sorrows

Pale were the lips I saw and smelt
Pale were the lips I kissed and felt
and fair were all their forms
I floated upon their melancholy storm

In the dreams which anger overcame me
It is the fury inward on thyself
Solve, prey and consume thee!!
Cause love brought us to one death

We spilt our life in a disdainful mood
Unceasing was the play of our wretched hands
Thighten up on views
How hopeful words can be

Don't leave me behind

9. Sparks In The Dusk

Waved I to mysterious me
but me did not back wave
I thought I knew
I knew I thought

Wanted to escape from the chains I attacked
I want to help me.... fear is alone
Sing oceans of wisdom
Ring waves of strength

Children now little or nothing
and knowing their.... comforts of age
and the blind of the world
seek the sight of the right

While I saw.... you were walking
Wrapped in a scarf of thought
Your eyes gleamed out at me
Throwing sparks.... in the dusk

Remember you experience with my moods
When I November am
December me not
Or show me later Novembers
but April rather me remind

Flowers and sun and children
and air me show.... and littleness
by bigness know.... then god is me
Faces of different colours, the same deep inside

Every shape, size, sex imaginable
They make sounds, high and low

Emotions that are hard to see
Without them it would not tick

A faceless personality hides in the mask of others
Old patterns comfimation, stifled again and again

Sinking ever deeper to nowhere
it drifts to the immobile confused stagnant

A sudden jar.... and suddenly awareness shines
upon it
and it stirs and thicks and climbs and soars

And searchers and grasps and deep within and I is

Deep where dreams lay, I whished
Heart whishes, dream dies, promise fades
I saw a mirror but blind now am I
My heart dreams, whishes now ashes be

When will my I be found
peace in a confused mind
Gleame your eyes out at me
Throwing sparks in the dusk

10. Sensitive To Autumn

The wretch is wretched with autumn
When leaves fall down and rot away
The season of depression sets in
All fog and rain, men come to nothing

Jarring notes fulfil the nothingness
Act of despair, merry tones
Don't disencumber you from the melancholy
But makes men to suicidal behaviour

Tears fulfil all dreams
As a leading thread
Running to subconscious
Denude all thee sorrows!!

Narcissism becomes a blockade
It is lost labour
Serve as a servant to your constrained manners
Humble, adherence to thy obsession

Whoe upon thee!!.... Slattern appearance
Halfway season yet, wistful as I lay
Time slowly passes by
Your head is in a whirl, loose your mind!!

and come to sense cause thousand empty faces
Don't fill an empty space
Cry and abate all the tension
Prevent the wandering

Mind is stygian
Dying for spring
To leave this misery behind
is to lay down and rest
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